I needn’t belabor nature’s harsh pecking order. You know it, I know it. We can choose to close our eyes to the gore, to the unflinching honesty of it all. We can TURN THE CHANNEL. QUICK. TURN THE CHANNEL, dammit!
Why men love to linger, while surfing channels to utter distraction, on the bucolic [...]
If I had more time, I’d go around at night snapping pictures of houses light up at night with multi-colored Christmas lights and decked-out Christmas trees in living room windows, googling their addresses and calling them out online.
I just don’t get it.
I know, I know: “I love Christmas. I hate when [...]
Watertown is a small place, so I assume Patty is well aware of my transgression by now. But apologizing is part of the twelve steps, so this is the public apology you, my frenetic stylist, deserve.
I have been unfaithful.
I have strayed from our ten year relationship. I had a delayed seven-year itch. [...]
You think I’m kidding?
I’m not. Pixi mascara doesn’t just look good, it is a time machine. It has opened doors I thought long closed. I, my friends, am a new person.
First, and most importantly, Pixi mascara allows me to stop manically curling my lashes. Before I discovered it, I would probably grab [...]
That may sound lame to you, but it is a first for me. I am the grand resolver. I love to resolute. For me, my family. I stop at nothing in my high and mightiness.
So this year, my resolution is to not resolve.
Does that sound lame?
The truth is, I am coming [...]
I know it’s been a while.
Let’s put that behind us and move on to greener pastures.
Or dead ones.
The potato patch, to be specific.
Potatoes are a cash crop and worth the effort.
[No, not really.]
Potatoes grown in the garden are amazingly different from their supermarket counterparts and worth the [...]
I had more flies yesterday. A lot more.
But when Ollie Cat came in looking for dinner around, oh, 2:30 pm — daylight savings is a real stretch for my 4-legged friends — and I didn’t respond to her meows, her sitting on my keyboard effing everything up, her move to a spot on [...]
The title should say it all. But if, for some reason, it doesn’t, Bennett is my brother. And I want him to leave me alone.
I’m hot. I’ve had about 50 hot flashes today. I’m keeping the black rage at bay by the skin of my teeth. And I’m on my second beer. I call [...]
Thank you God, Thank you friends. Thank you, thank you.
Morgan walked away from this car accident unharmed yesterday.
Is it me, or is that a miracle?
I’m so thankful and so grateful and so… zombie-like. I feel like I am walking in a dream underwater.
We don’t know what happened. She remembers nothing. [...]
It’s been — what? Two weeks? Three weeks?
Did you miss me?
According to my loving and supportive brother, there is likely no one out there anymore TO miss me. And that’s, well… that’s totally understandable. And I’d have to say it’s hard to believe there was ever anyone in the first place, so it’s [...]