Jenmenke

Road Warrior

Food

The Elusive Morel Mushroom

Morels!

I started this post as the Meatless Monday Eighteen post, but by the end of my breathless tirade, I realized I had about 3 pages written with nary a word about Meatless Monday, So, I turned it into its own entry. I will post the Meatless Monday recipe tomorrow.  I’m not going to change anything for this post, so don’t be confused. And don’t expect a recipe at the end. This is just your chance to peer into my addled brain. (And to further understand why sometimes, when telling a story, I completely forget what I was talking about.)

Morel Mushroom and Asparagus Risotto

Prep time: 8 years, 3 months, 18 days, 6 hours and 9 minutes.

That’s how long I’ve spent looking for stupid morels since moving to this God-Forsaken wind-plagued tract of land fifteen years ago. It is day three of sustained winds over 35 miles per hour. (I hate the wind.) You would think strolling through the woods on spring afternoons would be a tranquil time for regenerating the spirit. But you’d be wrong.

Nothing makes me more, angry, bitter and venomous than wasting precious time looking for mushrooms that aren’t there. Afterward, I march into the house with a furrowed brow, into a kitchen that has been destroyed in the hour since leaving, and HEADS ROLL! “What’s all this?! Who left the milk out?! Clean up your dishes!…”

“Mom’s been looking for mushrooms again,” I heard one of the heathens mutter not long ago, after one of these tirades…

Making matters worse, I have to read about the all morels that everyone ELSE are finding in my twitter and facebook streams. Or, from my own brother-in-law, who — in my estimation — must wear a miner’s hat and look for them in the dark, he has so many damned morels. Where does he find the time?

It makes me crazy. I’ve been shut out for the past two years. Haven’t found even one.

So, like I do every early May, I went looking. I looked for about an hour and a half. And I found one!

Yes, one.

This isn't the ONE I found though

My brother-in-law has been itching to come stalk the woods around my house for years, claiming that there just MUST be bounties of unfound morels. Since he usually he has to trespass, he’s probably had as many morels confiscated as he has consumed. OK, I’m exaggerating, but you get my point. He’s a cagey bastard. I like to encourage him, though. Because he shares his bounty with me. I have a well-timed birthday and if I play my cards right, I get a bag full of dried morels around the end of May…

Anyway, the planets finally aligned and we had them over for dinner last Friday for Pad Thai and Panang Curry (*recipe sure to come soon, and also from Rouxbe.com) and the much-anticipated mushroom hunt. Oh Lord, the food was good, but that’s fodder for another post. The main event was the mushroom hunt.

And I’ll be honest here. As much as I love morels, and as much as I really, really wanted to find morels in my woods again after two straight years of nuthin’, there was a not-so-small part of my being that was also hoping we wouldn’t find any. Why? Because then — and, come on you guys, you should know this by now — I would be RIGHT. It would mean that I haven’t been missing them, as they accuse me of. “They have to be there.” Or do they? Wouldn’t I be vindicated if the famous mushroom hunter himself got skunked in my woods?

You see what I mean?

So we set off, heading into the neighboring woods. They, meandering toward every dead elm, and me, trying not to look too obvious, beelining for the place I had found the ONE, four days before. If I was lucky, I thought, I would find another.

And I did. I found one.

Yes, one.

As I was reaching over to pick the lone marauder, I heard…

“Where there is one there are two, and where there are two, there are four…,”  (It was my niece in a little sing song voice. Encouraging me? Patronizing me?)

I spun around and screamed in her little face,“That’s a bunch of CRAP! There’s only ONE! One stinking morel! TEMPTING ME WITH IT’S EARTHY DELIGHT!” (Then I pushed her down.)

No. I didn’t really push her down. I might have said “that’s a bunch of crap.” I don’t really remember, but it sounds like somthing I might say to a sweet pre-teen.

At any rate. I was right, there was only one. And that’s what’s important here.

The bounty

Dave, of all people, went on to find the bounty (above) that we used for our Meatless Monday Eighteen meal. I was thrilled! Because contrary to my family’s opinion, I’m not really all that bad of a person.

Asparagus Diversion

Perfect fast lunch for a Meatless Monday

Tastes better than fresh hollandaise, I swear.

Cook a few spears of fresh asparagus in water like I show you in my first asparagus post.

Gently fry (not like me with my huge freaking bubbles in the whites) one or two fresh eggs

(rub the feathers off first)

Put them together, break the yolks, squeeze with lemon or lime and shave with pecorino or parmesan an drizzle with olive oil or a pat of butter.

Then, try not to egg-fart for the rest of the day. Or is that just me?

Peruvian Pleasures

Food pleasures, people. This is not an X-Rated website.

I recently had my writer-critic brother and his family over for dinner. My parents were in town, too, so there was a whole gaggle of us. Morgan asked me to make a meal that I had thrown together last summer when some friends came over at the last minute. I thought I wrote about it, but after about 30 minutes of searching on my computer, I could find no mention of the recipes anywhere. I do distinctly remember thinking at the time that I didn’t need to write the recipes down because they would be “so easy to find online later.”

Yes. That would have worked nicely IF I would have remembered the names — or even the geographic origin — of the food. Brazilian? Peruvian? Persian? (I didn’t actually think it was Persian, but that’s what kept popping up on Google when I typed in what I was sure was the name of the sauce we liked so much.)

Finally. Finally, I found an email with the word “peruvian” in it somewhere, subject name: Re: RE: Re, that I had written to someone else about how good the food was. Of course! Good thing I found it, too, because I would have never guessed it was Antichuchos — or marinated beef heart. I didn’t use beef heart, mind you, just the marinade. It was delicious both times and I highly recommend it. I’m not usually a kebab person because I think they get dried out and gross, but these are winners and I will make them again and again.

Marinade for Peruvian Kebabs:

  • 1 cup red wine vinegar
  • 4 T ground cumin
  • 1 t ground pepper
  • 1 t salt
  • 5 big garlic cloves, minced
  • 1/2 c chopped cilantro
  • 2 T chopped parsley (I didn’t have fresh, so I used dried)
  • 1/2 can of chipoltle chilies in adobe sauce (or 4 dried, toasted, soaked, pureed chilies)
  • 1/2 cup oil

Combine ingredients. Cut sirloin (for the 10 of us, I used 3.75 lbs) and chicken (4 breasts) into large 3″ cubes and put into large bowl. Combine with marinade. I also added 1 package of baby portabella mushrooms. Let marinate 30-60 minutes. The original recipe says not to go longer than this because the vinegar will “dry the meat out.” Is that true? Sounded crazy to me, but I uncharacteristically followed directions. The flavor was very good, even with that short amount of time.

Put on long metal skewers, or soaked bamboo sticks, keeping skewers to single ingredients to allow for the correct cooking time.

The second dish we had was Tacu Tacu. I remembered the name as soon as I saw the link because it’s so fun to say. Never in a million years would I have remembered it without it. Rice with lentils. Delicious and simple. Perfect with the chicken, beef, mushrooms and the….

Aji Sauce!

This sauce, I promise, will transcend. (Not sure if that sentence makes sense, but I’m going with it.) The ingredients will — if you are like me — make your lip curl. Or your stomach hurl. (rhymed. sorry. couldn’t resist.) Pureed lettuce? Gross! It isn’t, I swear. Make this sauce and serve it on EVERYTHING.

  • 1/4 head of lettuce (Romaine is best, Iceberg is good too. I’ve used both)
  • 3 jalapeno chilies (or equivalent. this is where you control heat. Use seeds if you want it hot. Use less pepper if you want it more mild. If you are concerned, add the chilies at the end and taste as you go. I used my fiery hot orange hungarian peppers from the freezer, plus 1/4 fresh ancho for taste)
  • 1/4 c mayonaise (I use Hellman’s Lite)
  • 5 green onions (or dug up whole chives + root — as I did when I discovered I did not have green onions)
  • 1/2 bunch of cilantro (go ahead and use the stems. Everything get pureed and they taste great)
  • 1 t salt
  • 1 t pepper
  • 1 tsp garlic powder or 2-3 large cloves fresh garlic pressed

Directions: (this is tough, so read carefully)

Put all ingredients in a food processor and blend until smooth.

I put it in an old honey squeeze bottle and use it on everything until it is gone.

Dinner was great. I took many pictures:

…and was threatened within an inch of my life if I showed any of their faces.

Seriously.

Meatless Monday Seventeen!

Shrimp Pad Thai

I’m over-the-moon about this recipe.

[Now, if by chance, there were anyone under the age of 40 reading this post, I will have lost them with that first sentence. What kind of loser says “over the moon?”]

But I am. Over the moon.

I am giving all the credit to the recipe on Rouxbe.com. I know I have mentioned that site before, but can’t remember when. I watched a whole bunch of their video cooking lessons when the site was first launched and everything was free — about a year or so ago. (It was probably three years ago, and my addled and aging mind has compressed a thousand days into 300 or so.)

As planned, after that initial launch period, some of the content became subscription based. I got busy and stopped visiting the site, having watched most of it anyway. Then one day early this year, I got an email saying something like “One Time Chance! Lifetime Membership for the low fee of _____!” I usually delete offers like that, and who knows why, but I clicked the link. I refuse to give the amount I paid here because Dave has apparently been sneaking over to this site and secretly reading it on occasion (!) and I don’t want him using it against me. I like to pretend I am a woman barely making ends meet by using three year old garden carrots out the freezer for dinner. You know what I mean? He knows I’m buying cooking school lessons and… well then I’ll have to start explaining why I won’t turn the heat up past 64 degrees in the winter… (Answer: to pay for online cooking school lessons.)

You can go to Rouxbe (pronounced Roo-Bee) yourself to see how much it was. But let me just say this: my aging and addled mind — for some reason — saw the price as being $100 less than it actually was. It must be that sub-conscience 99 thing that I always dismiss as being so stupid. Like $1.99 or $299 or whatever. Well, it got me this time.

Oh for Heaven’s sake. It cost $299, OK? I spent fricken $299 on Rouxbe.com! Are you happy? In my mind I thought it was $200 and I thought that was a pretty good deal. Lifetime membership! The website is a huge undertaking. And very well done. I wanted to support them. Assuming they are still around in a few years, that’s a great deal, right? The site has expanded to contain a ton of stuff, they are always adding more videos…. Oh, you’re not my husband, why am I explaining this to you?!

Whatever. Now I feel stupid. Is it any wonder I can’t keep secrets? I write a stupid post and feel compelled to tell all. Just imagine how easily I cave when questioned by a real person! Note to readers: don’t tell me secrets.

Anyway, I certainly experienced pangs of buyer’s remorse, but since I have the membership, I’ve been using the site a lot more. But here is what I can’t figure out: most of it still seems free to the public! It really is an amazing site. This shrimp pad thai recipe is so good. I’ve probably made pad thai three or four times in the past, and frankly, they stunk. Nothing like the real thing. This recipe was THE BEST. Easily as good as the best pad thai I’ve had in restaurants. And it’s so simple. And you can watch it free. While I paid $299. And you can feel smart and frugal. And I can feel dumb and frivolous. Even though you wouldn’t even know about it if I hadn’t taken the $299 bullet. Consider it my gift to you.

The only new ingredient I used for this batch, versus the other recipes I’ve tried, was tamarind concentrate. To be clear, other recipes had called for it, I just didn’t have it. But I hardly think that alone could have made such a huge difference. Taste, yes. But the recipe as a whole, no. I think it was the actual technique, which a video demonstration is perfect for. See for yourself: watch this video below. If you like it, watch some of the other videos, too. Be careful though, you might get hooked.

I have no idea what I’m embedding up there. The preview? But here is a link to the whole shebang: Rouxbe.com Shrimp Pad Thai Recipe Video and Text
My notes: (because you didn’t think I had all the ingredients, did you?!)
  • I did have tamarind concentrate, not the brick, but a jar of it, and used the same amount listed in the recipe.
  • I used vegetable stock instead of chicken, and for once didn’t taste it.
  • I used stupid thin little rice sticks because — for the life of me — I can’t find the larger flat ones ANYWHERE. And it makes me so mad! And that is why my noodles are more mangled in the photo above. At least that’s why I say they are more mangled, and not because of my unpracticed technique.
  • I ran out of fish sauce after 4 tablespoons (instead of 6) and it was just fine.
  • I did not have palm sugar (jaggery in Indian cooking) and used brown sugar as a substitute.
  • I did not have pickled radishes. I had moldy radishes and considered putting some vinegar on them and calling them pickled, but I restrained myself.
  • I did not have ground shrimp. I made no substitutes and make no apologies.

My photo is, as usual, hideous. I apologize for that. Oh, and I also apologize to Morgan, who I yelled at before dinner and, therefore, ruined her true enjoyment of another great meal cooked by her mom.

With that, I end this post and leave to go eat the leftovers as depicted in this blurry photo:

Meatless Monday Sixteen!

Namaste.

Indian again?

That’s what he said. He being Charlie, who contends that he doesn’t know where I got the idea he loves Indian food. Truth is, I think if I keep telling him that he loves it, he’ll actually start believing me.

Which would be convenient, since the rest of us are deeply, madly in love with it.

Here’s my theory on the attraction of Indian: going meatless for a meat-loving family is hard. Not because we can’t get filled up on stuff that doesn’t contain meat, but because I want to make truly vegetarian fare — not pancakes! With no experience in vegetarian eating, I try to seek out interesting recipes.

Like Thai. LOVE Thai food. So I could make a curry, right? No. Cuz I end up thinking… “oh. I wish this had chicken thighs in it….”

Or Japanese/Chinese. LOVE Japanese/Chinese. So I could make a noodle/broth dish, or a stir fry, right? No…. Cuz I find that I am not a huge fan of vegetable broth. (Still haven’t made my own, so I am reserving final judgement on this.) So, soups are out, at least for now. Stir fries are OK, but I still haven’t found a wining tofu recipe yet that will convince Dave and Charlie that it is legitimate food.

The problem is, most of the food and recipes I gravitate to have a taste history I am already familiar with. And I find myself missing that which is missing: chicken, bacon, broth, pork, etc.

Whereas, Indian is new! I have none of those biases. Not to mention the bold seasonings don’t require chicken broth! Win. Win. WIN. Love Indian food and don’t miss the meat. Now, I just need to find other ethnicities that are like that. Maybe African? Jamaican? Creole? Anyone got any bizarre suggestions for me along those lines?

I made this week’s recipe up, sort of melding a few together. I realize now that I really didn’t take any pictures and have since horked down the leftovers, spaz that I am. So I’ll just describe it. Some readers will be thankful, as I have been receiving feedback that my photos of Meatless Mondays are ‘sick.’

Nutty Dal and Rice on Naan

I did the usual spice mix, of heating oil and tossing in cumin and mustard seeds and quickly covering the pan before they pop all over the place. Then added onion and garlic (instead of asefetid…. can’t remember how to spell it), garam masala, coriander, turmeric, cardomom.

Then I added diced potatoes and cooked for a long time to soften. Added the cooked lentils. Then I added about 3/4 cup of rough-chopped peanuts. I wished I had some cilantro, but didn’t.

I also made some dough for naan and let rise for about 2 hours, while everyone was at soccer. They didn’t get home until almost 8:30pm. I have no idea where I was and why I didn’t have dinner ready and waiting when they got back, but I didn’t. It was a scramble. So instead of rolling each piece of naan into a ball and resting and blah blah blah, I cut the dough in two, rolled it flat and threw the two pieces into the oven like that. It worked great.

The meal was delicious, even if the one photo I took of it isn’t:

I feel the need to boast that in the last 9 days, we’ve had 4 meatless dinners (Dave worked another baked potato dinner in last night) and I’ve had at least 5 meatless lunches! Why, I’m practically a vegetarian!

Well… if you ignore the fact that I’m looking for a local place to buy a whole lamb, that is…

Asparagus

The Honeymoon.

Yes, we are one week into the Honeymoon Stage of our asparagus harvest. That is the time where it is still a joy and a wonder to walk into the garden and find 20-30 spears that grew six inches overnight. I snap them off at the base, bring them in the house, briefly cook them and eat them. Pause over each sweet tender bite. Exclaim their virtues.

Asparagus.

It is the best!

Well, it is the best for about two weeks. After that, the walk into the garden is replaced by shock and dismay: Oh my GOSH. That damn ASPARAGUS! WHO am I going to GIVE it to? WHAT am I going to DO with it? Look at all the asparagus beetles!

But not yet. Now we just eat it and love it.

Soon I will be giving it away by the armload to friends. To each of these people I give a stern warning not to overcook it. The thing with my asparagus (and I assume all fresh-from-the-garden asparagus) is that it cooks in one quarter the time of supermarket asparagus.

Two nights ago, I took the unusual step of timing it so that I could give concrete directions instead of vague advice. So if I die, my husband will be able to feed my children from lessons learned on my website.

See? I’m a good mother after all.

Here you go, Dave (and anyone else who’s interested):

Use a big saute or fry pan, wide enough for your longest spear, add about an inch of water, sprinkle in about 2 teaspoons of salt and bring to a boil. After the water is boiling, add the asparagus, making sure all spears are submerged.

For fresh picked spears, cook no more than 2 minutes and drain. If you aren’t going to eat right away, cool them under cold water or in an ice bath to prevent them from getting mushy.

If you are cooking spears you bought somewhere and you aren’t sure how long to cook them, use a knife to pierce the stem end. It should go in easily, but not be soft or mushy. The tips should still look the same as they did when the were uncooked. The tips are the first part to show overcooking. The triangles will start to get fuzzy looking and may even start to slough off in the water. With fresh asparagus, that happens in a heartbeat! With store bought, you’ve got a little more grace time. If still in doubt, just cut a small piece off the end and taste it. It is my firm believe the stem end should retain some bite. Like an al dente noodle. (That’s the foolproof method to see if it is done.)

Dry the pan out, put on medium heat, and add about 1 tablespoon of either butter or olive oil (for 16-20 spears). Or, if you are decadent, add both. Add the spears back in and roll around in the butter/oil long just enough for the asparagus to get nice and hot — you don’t want to cook them more. Sprinkle with kosher salt, fresh pepper. Squeeze with lemon.  For what it’s worth, I like the combo of lemon juice with butter during the Honeymoon stage, then moving to olive oil with balsamic vinegar for Stage 2.

Garnish with parmesan or pecorino or manchego or whatever you happen to have on hand.

The nice thing about boiling/blanching and then reheating is that you can do it ahead of time. Then, right before serving, heat back up in the oil or butter and garnish. Of course for Caveman Dave, we have to keep some separate. He likes it plain.

We also roast asparagus in the oven and grill it. But that happens after long after the Honeymoon is over.