Jenmenke

Road Warrior

Food

I Hate Beets

beet greensI hate them boiled, roasted, pickled and pureed. I hate them with orange vinegarette and in salads. I’ve tried every recipe that starts with “Even people who say they hate beets love this recipe…” (You would be amazed at the number of beet recipes that lead off with something along those lines, which tends to make me to believe that I must not be the only beet-hater out there.)

So why do I grow them? Well. My family loves beets, so I grow (and cook) the insipid things for them. I think it grossly unfair that in the intermixed gene pool that are my children, my food preferences seem not to be represented. I love mushrooms; no one else does. I love eggplant; no one else does. I love tofu; no one else does. On the other hand, Dave loves pizza; so do the kids. Dave loves olives; so do the kids. And, of course, Dave loves beets; and so do the kids.

What’s a beet-hater to do? Eat the tops. They are delicious.

Beet Greens Saute

1) Rough-chop the tops of the dreaded beets you will feed someone else
2) Heat about 2T olive oil in pan
3) Add 1-2 minced or chopped cloves of garlic. (Do not brown)
4) Add beet greens and stir until mostly wilted
5) Add a splash of balsamic vinegar*

*Of course, I could simply drink balsamic and be happy.)

Irresistible German Pancake. It’s Oven Magic!

German Pancake

Here is yet another reason to have chickens for the freshest eggs. I have never written about my ill-fated chickens, but someday I will. Suffice it to say, if youThe Freshest Eggs! have the inkling to keep a couple hens in your backyard, or have more roaming your acreage. DO IT! Messy though they can be, it is worth it. The only time messiness was a factor for me was when I had a flock that was so tame they used to come up to the front door in the morning and peck at the window for food, at the same time, pooping all over the front steps. A truce with my chicken-hating husband has brought an end to that, made easier on my part by the fact that our now 3 year old GSP kills them if I let them run where they please.

But this post isn’t about chickens! It’s about the German Pancake! For those of you who don’t know me, can you even imagine how much I can talk and digress?

This pancake is so easy and so impressive you just have to make it for Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. Barring the opportunity for breakfast in bed, just do it to impress someone. Fresh eggs are best and strawberries make it perfect. The recipe is from a book I have had since I was married in 1990. Susan Branch’s Heart of the Home, Notes from a Vineyard Kitchen cookbook. It really has some amazing and simple recipes. An oldie but a goodie!

The recipe is attached as a link by clicking on the irresistible image below. Go on, I know you want to!

Click if you want the recipe!
Click if you want the recipe!

Earth Week? Why Not Try Cast Iron Pans?

cast-ironNo, I’m not some psycho chick who believes everything I read. But I do believe this: The FDA doesn’t take a stand on something unless they know it’s REALLY bad and even then, they downplay it. I mean, come on, how long did it take them to go public with the hazards of cigarettes? …Which leads me to the latest brouhaha over non-stick (teflon) pans. The idea is simple: they are “safe” if not “overheated” and as long as they are “intact” and “not peeling.”

Hmmm. How many of you are able to keep your teflon pans intact and not peeling? It’s so hard for me to keep them that way that I have come to think of them as disposable — only I’m too cheap to actually toss my old ones in the garbage! Instead, I give them to unsuspecting friends I want to kill!

So, rather than wipe out a portion of the population that actually likes me, I finally decided to rid our house entirely of non-stick so I wouldn’t be tempted to keep using them after their prime. The only acceptable non-stick alternative was the one that has been around for ages: cast iron. I know all the lazy-asses will whine, “They’re too heavy!” Or, “They rust.” And, “Everything sticks!” Yes, yes, and sometimes.

As usual, I thoroughly researched the best cast iron pans. (Everyone is reviewing them since they are back in vogue, so it was easy.) Most seemed to love the pre-seasoned Lodge brand. I bought a preseasoned Lodge griddle a few years ago and wasn’t all that impressed. It was almost rough to the touch. It has over time smoothed out, but it took longer than I expected. The very best cast iron pan I own was one I bought at an antique store ten+ years ago for something like $10. Expecting the price to have increased dramatically like everything else at antique stores during the past ten years,  I slyly asked my parents for these pans for my last birthday. And, off to the antique store we went .

…It was the cheapest they have ever gotten off. I got all three in the picture above for less than $25. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t believe my parents didn’t supplement my gift with something else, like a Wacom Cintiq or something reasonable. Twenty five dollars? For your favorite child? Perhaps this year they are keeping tabs on my desire for a new DSLR and have big plans to surprise me with one to make up for such a lame gift last year. Yes. That must be the plan.

Once again, I digress; After I got them home, I cleaned the pans and re-seasoned them by heating them to oblivion and then wiping liberally with peanut oil a couple times. To clean, I use hot water as soon as I’m done cooking, maybe a quick once-over with a nylon scrubber, then whip it back on the burner to dry. I keep a paper towel that I use over and over that has olive oil on it in the drawer where I store them and just run it over the inside of the pan. When it’s cool I put it away. They are a worthy substitute for teflon, I swear.

So if that sounds like a giant pain in the ass to you, then go ahead and use teflon. They don’t call it natural selection for nothin’.

How To Boil An Egg (no, I’m not kidding)

boiled egg results based on freshness of egg
boiled egg results based on freshness of egg

Let’s get something straight, right off the bat: I am an experienced cook. And while I am the first to toot my own horn, I think most people who know me would go so far as to say I’m a good cook, too.

To the point: Every single year, around Easter, I invariably google “perfect boiled egg” or “how to boil an egg.” I recently bought a beautiful cookbook by James Peterson called Cooking, 600 recipes, 1500 photographs, one kitchen education. I would like to point out that Peterson does not scoff at my ineptitude. Seems boiling eggs (perfectly) gives lots of people problems. He says “when boiling eggs, the trick is to stick to the same method and learn exactly how long to cook them… to your liking.” I don’t actually use his method, but I do agree with him. His method is to put the eggs into already boiling water. Mine tend to crack when I do that, so I put my eggs in a good pot, cover them with cold water and bring them to a slow boil. Once that happens, I take the pot off the heat, cover the pan and leave them in the pot for 15 minutes.

But even doing that, I was still running into problems. And I finally figured it out. My problem isn’t likely to be your problem, but then again, you never know. So here is what I have learned about boiling eggs:

DON’T USE FRESH ONES!!

I have chickens, so I have really fresh eggs. I didn’t use to keep close of track of which eggs were the freshest, but — at least this time of year — I try a little harder. In order to boil eggs that will peel nicely and not leave some ungodly gelatinous ruin like the second egg pictured above, your eggs must be at least 2 weeks old — from hen to pot. Funny, isn’t it, that store bought eggs rarely, if ever pose a problem? It does happen on occasion however, and here is a good way to tell: put the egg into water and see what happens. Psychotic publications bordering on hysteria (you know, the ones that tell you that your frozen hamburger should be thrown out after six months when we all know it lasts forever…) will tell you an egg that floats vertically should be thrown out because it is bad. While I won’t tell you to eat an egg that is seriously floating on top of the water, I will tell you that deviled eggs will be the END of you if you don’t begin the process with an egg that is just on the verge of floating upward off the bottom of the pan. You won’t die, I promise.

To prove my point, I have photographed two eggs: the first is exactly two weeks old. I wasn’t careful about peeling it, so it isn’t perfect, but it was quite easy. The second should give you pause, if not violently turn your stomach. It is the same size, cooked the same amount of time. The only difference was that the second one was laid by one of my obliging hens today.

Actually, given what a pain in the ass deviled eggs are, it might not be a bad idea to use fresh eggs the next time you are asked to make them for a family brunch. I bet they won’t ask you again!

Your Ticket to Absolute Power & Supremacy: Learn to Bake Bread

I make bread. Does that make me some amish-type throwback? A freak show to be ridiculed? A do-gooder wife and mom? Super mom? (I actually AM SuperMom, but that’s stuff for another self-glorifying post.)

Maybe I’m just tired of paying $4.29 for a loaf of the (extremely delicious) take and bake variety at the store. We eat bread in mass quantities. The whole no-carb craze never reached our family. Nor WILL it ever reach our family. Plus, and friends of mine know this, I keep my house at the miserly temperature of 64 degrees during the winter. It’s DAMN cold in here, right up thru May. Making bread really serves many purposes. In decreasing order of importance, it sets me up as a deity to be worshiped, it makes my friends feel like terrible, lazy wives and mothers, it warms my frigid home, it feeds my family, and it saves me money.

The recipes I use could not be easier. Honestly. There is hardly a way you can screw this up, people. Give it a shot. I’m pretty sure that you will love the bread, but I guarantee you will become addicted to the drug that is absolute power and supremacy over your friends and family.

Ancient Rosemary Cracker Bread Recipe Unearthed

Throngs of users have flooded thefreshloaf.com taking down servers in attempts to extract the secret details of Jennie Menke’s Rosemary Cracker Bread recipe, which was posted in December and only recently re-discovered by relentless Fiesta Movement fans.*

“Please,” says Menke, “Don’t all click on the link at once. I love TheFreshLoaf.com and don’t want to cause them any undue stress,” adding, “I just don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe 39 followers on Twitter is just too much.”

In order to save a lot of baking heartache, she has posted detailed directions via video, taking viewers through the recipe, step-by-step. Printed Recipe.

Rosemary Cracker Bread

* This reporter is a liar.