Highlights from the Holidays

Actually I just liked the alliteration of the headline. This post is pretty much about one thing: how great I am.

Kidding!

(Partly.)

FIRST, I have to share the most Amazing Gift opened on Christmas day by the Most Amazing Gift Giver Ever:

Yes my friends, it is THEE Travel Scrabble game.

And it’s as cute as ever. I need to repair the hinge and count the tiles but… it is back in the hands of its rightful owner. My brother never appreciated it the way he should have. Its tiny perfect board with its tiny wooden tiles. Its locking tile trays and its self-contained perfect tiny box… And don’t fool yourselves: it was not he who treasured and protected it these last 33 years, it was apparently in the basement of the cabin. We can thank my parents for this most treasured and Amazing Gift.

…Now, if only I can get back my beloved Scrubbing Bubbles beach towel from him, I think we could call it a day.

(Not likely.)

The second Amazing Gift the Most Amazing Gift Giver Ever wants to share is perhaps the pinnacle of her life. Oddly, it did not come from her family; the ones who – logically – should have been so thoughtful, for it is they who reap the benefits of her Amazing Gifts.

[Shift to third person is both acknowledged and intentional so that the writer can be free to write without the shackles of her normal humble modesty.]

This gift was dropped off by friends late one night after the Menke’s wild Watertown Christmas party. Jennie thought it was crazy because — at least as she understood it — it was a hostess gift from a friend who planned to come but couldn’t make it.

“Totally unnecessary,” she exclaimed as she took the large package from her friend!

Then she hugged her, said “Merry Christmas”, shut the door and ripped the package open.

A cashmere sweater?

What the…?

She found the card in the apocalypse of the wrapping and opened it.

And this. This. Was The Most Amazing Gift Ever. Not the sweater (which was damn cute), but the card itself. Words. Simple, beautiful words.

Formula for The Most Amazing Card Ever:

1. Proper salutation.
2. Acknowledge the recipient’s best attributes.
3. Show that you mean it and aren’t just blowing smoke with proper examples
4. Reaffirm recipient’s best attributes. Don’t repeat the exact same thing in step two, but flesh it out a bit. Embellishing is totally acceptable in this section.
5. Show some vulnerability.
6. End on a positive note.

Example of The Most Amazing Card Ever:

Dear _______,

Neither ____ or [sic] myself would ever dare challenge you as the best [sic] gift giver ever. That is your title alone. BUT, as Students For Life, we just want you to know that for the past 2 years, ____ and I have talked about ways we could show, tell & maybe just express how special you are to us. So we researched. We Googled. We read reviews. We called boutiques in CA. But mostly we just thought about you. You know you are awesome. You are generous with your heart, your love, your faith. You truly are an exceptional person, ______ .

The gift isn’t perfect. It isn’t what we wanted “exactly.” BUT we included the gift receipt. We’re thoughtful like that!

The Merriest of Christmas to you!

Love, _______ & _________

These writers really showed true prowess for the formula. Particularly in the section of Step #4. Either that, or Jennie has them pretty snowed. But then, I’m not sure if Jennie has ever told you guys this: she’s a Gemini. Not that she buys in to any of that Zodiac stuff, but if you read the profile of a Gemini, it’s pretty spot on. In other words, Jennie can be just a total delight to friends, neighbors and acquaintances and almost in the same breath be a total psychopath with her family. She’s a Jekyll and Hyde kinda person. She can be laughing merrily on the phone with a friend, hang up the phone and go on a total soul-crushing rampage about hearing her husband chewing from across the room.

Still. She loves her new sweater and wore it on Christmas Eve.

She’s… an enigma.

Her behavior, as any dog trainer worth their salt would tell you, portrays is what is called “Self-Rewarding Behavior.” It seems to be working for her [see letter above] and therefore is not likely to change any time soon.

Which is really too bad for her family.

The good news for them is, Jennie is a fairly good cook.

At least they have that.