Sometimes – not very often – I get sad for no particular reason. Today I am sad. I don’t want anyone to tell me why I have no reason to be sad. Yes, I live a great and blessed life. And 99% of my life I spend being grateful for that fact. So cut me some damned slack today. I’m wallowing.
If I were counting, I think I might have weeped over 15 times today. It began as I stared at my computer screen for what seems the millionth day in a row. I need to come up with a logo for a special project for my son’s school. A worthy volunteer project, yes indeed. I’m happy to do it. So why did it make me cry?
And then I read on twitter about the stupid agents getting their stupid Sony Webbie cams. And I cried about that. I’m so jealous. It’s not an emotion I have much experience with and I hate it. It’s ugly and insidious. I hate myself for harboring it and for not being able to move on.
And then, when I was trying to figure out what time to start the time-bake on the oven for the damn meatloaf that my damn husband requested that my damn kids won’t eat that I also won’t eat because I’ll be at damn bookclub, I cried because I couldn’t figure it out. I had to leave in 5 minutes to get Morgan at track. I had to find her damn guitar and her damn soccer stuff and make her some food to eat since she wouldn’t be home until after 7:30. I had to get Charlie ready to go with because he had to be across town at damn Jazz band at 5pm. Drop him then come back into Watertown to have Morgan at guitar at 5:30. Wait for her there and read more about the damn fiesta agents getting their damn cars while I wait. Weep some more. Then get Morgan to soccer at 6, then back across town to pick Charlie up at band, then home and off to bookclub at 6:30.
And really, isn’t that enough to make anyone weep?
I know what you’re thinking: Poor damned Jennie.
Michelle says
Can’t you just tweek the blue face, turn the frown into a smile, and use it as the logo for the school project? How is it, that you can make ME laugh when YOU’VE got the blues? I know the answer . . . you are totally damn HONEST and that’s what I love about you!
BrandyS says
I have days like that too. When one minute I want to THROW the damn can of soup OUT THE KITCHEN WINDOW because I can’t figure out where to put it in the cupboard, and the next minute I’m crying instead of laughing, and the next minute I’m wishing for a cigarette when I am officially a non-smoker and have been for all my life, i mean, years, i mean months. Sometimes I want that smoke so bad I could cry.
I think it’s called menopause, but I think I’m too young to admit that it could already be happening to me. Just stay out of my way when I get like this.
Laurie says
well, I’m no doctor but it sounds to me like you got a case of “the change” comin on! Usually starts about 10 years before it’s “official.” Then you’re no longer middle-aged (unless you think living to be 100 sounds fun). Enjoy the ride and bring lots of Kleenex.
amy says
I think you just simply miss me…
admin says
Well aren’t you guys all such a big help to me? I can’t thank you enough… Fucking menopause. And I thought by unloading on my blog I’d feel better.
Mo says
Forget the menopause crap….. I’d be crying too (and actually I did alot) when I was running the same kind of schedule that you are! Most depressing is the meatloaf. I LOVE meatloaf…and no one else in my family really did! And then to make it — and not get to EAT it…that would make me go for the pistol! But just remember this…leftovers are oft times better than the original! Things could always be worse. Like being an empty-nester.
BrandyS says
and I agree. I LOVE meatloaf and nobody else in my family really likes to eat it, or the things I like to serve with it. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and corn are my favorite meal, a little bit of each in one bite is pure heaven.
Jay Morgan says
Just think how more hectic your life would be if you got the damn Fiesta. You’d just be getting back from training in Chicago for how to impress folks in your purple Fiesta with dumb looking decals all over it, trying to figure out the web cam and where the dogs and soccer gear are going to sit in the little tin can; then have to report every other day back to the dip shit marketing manager that got you all excited about being a shoo-in AND, DRUM ROLL–you’d still have to do everything you where whining about plus all the stuff you got done in the garden while you were not doing the Fiesta thing! We are having pozole for dinner which just might trump your meat loaf and mashed potatoes
Evelina says
Jennie – I just discovered you, so the post to which I’m replying is now two months old. Just wanted to say I know EXACTLY how you were feeling and it is one hundred percent normal and here’s to you, girl! 🙂 Obviously The Blues tend to pass, and no doubt you have had many thrilling dinners (any meat loaf – ha ha?) since. I had three girls within four years of each other…and my, was it a challenge to keep that Good Mood on tap, as they were growing up! Now, two of the three are married, and I’m having a nice glass of Chardonnay and ALL SHALL BE WELL! Happy Summer and PS – thanks for the hard boiled egg hints which I am using this minute. 🙂