Jenmenke

Road Warrior

brother

Hey Bennett: Leave Me ALONE!

The title should say it all. But if, for some reason, it doesn’t, Bennett is my brother. And I want him to leave me alone.

I’m hot. I’ve had about 50 hot flashes today. I’m keeping the black rage at bay by the skin of my teeth. And I’m on my second beer. I call it my “attitude adjuster.”

I’m trying to remember all the things on my calendar with no screw-ups. But since I know Barb reads this, she could tell you I have not been successful in the venture. –For I forgot to go to Freedomfarm (a volunteer thing I do), not one week, but two. Two in a row. Shameful.

My garden is a wasteland.

A wasteland, I tell you.

I repainted my porch floor because I HAD TO.

Had to.

…only the delightfully cool ‘Bamboo Beige’ accent color that was to be a darker version of our mustard gold house was actually peachy-orange. It was an utter disaster. Trying so hard to be patient, I waited all of 3 hours before painting over the peachy squares with “Dusty Green” that I found in our Dusty Garage that I bought approximately 12 Dusty Years Ago.

Though it looks good right now, it is easily scraping off with the least abrasion. (Think step ladder, stepped upon to vacuum up some of the millions of ladybugs/asian beetles and boxelder bugs that I am currently sharing my porch and home with.)

I fear the worst.

It is too fricken hot to do anything outside, though I am trying. Aforementioned hot flashes, notwithstanding.

Charlie is sick and coughing and sneezing all over everyone, leaving snotty kleenexes everywhere.

Again. I fear the worst.

(for me, that is.)

The apples are rotting off the trees. I have little more to say about that.

My oven is a MESS after those STUPID, OVERSIZED Costco pizzas dripped all over and are right now smoking up the whole house as I try to roast chicken while Morgan complains bitterly that she wanted to go out. I simply love those over-sized Costco pizzas for feeding a crowd. –Like the soccer team that showed up after the game on Friday night. But really. Can’t they be just an inch or two smaller so they aren’t jammed up against the back oven wall and the glass door?

Morgan — yes, miracle Morgan of the car accident — had surgery after fracturing her thumb in two places which required plates and screws when an errant soccer ball hit her before the third game she was able to play in after the whole concussion hoopla.

She’s had doctor appointments and court appearances (from the car accident), conferences, dates, parties and meltdowns . I’ve been on the phone with teachers, insurance people, prosecutors, and other various sorts to unravel the drama that is her 16-year old life. It’s all so… exciting!

Winter soccer is morphing into summer soccer proportions. It is a good thing. Or so they say. All I have to say is: pray for me, for I surely will not last another season without making headlines. In the crime section.

I have two lonely clients who think I am nothing more than a flim-flam con artist who took their money and ran, as they wait more patiently than is even humanly possible for their jobs to be completed.

And in the midst of all of this, BENNETT calls me — during school conferences that I was squeezing in during a soccer game half time — to say I am a loser. (Actually, I can make anything up I want to about my brother because he won’t lower himself to defending himself in the comments. So, really, when he asks me why I write this stupid blog, isn’t that reason enough? Did he really call me a loser? No. He did not. But frankly, I don’t remember what he called me. I was too busy staring daggers at the back of the head of the woman at the table talking to the teacher who had used up more than three allotted conference time slots. Who does that? )

I will be back soon to finish up the Road Warriors Three, Day 8 as Bennett so eloquently and lovingly reminded me was a trip that was actually completed more than 70 days ago.

I just ate my third cookie. I am fat. And I’m wondering if I have time for a third beer.

Peruvian Pleasures

Food pleasures, people. This is not an X-Rated website.

I recently had my writer-critic brother and his family over for dinner. My parents were in town, too, so there was a whole gaggle of us. Morgan asked me to make a meal that I had thrown together last summer when some friends came over at the last minute. I thought I wrote about it, but after about 30 minutes of searching on my computer, I could find no mention of the recipes anywhere. I do distinctly remember thinking at the time that I didn’t need to write the recipes down because they would be “so easy to find online later.”

Yes. That would have worked nicely IF I would have remembered the names — or even the geographic origin — of the food. Brazilian? Peruvian? Persian? (I didn’t actually think it was Persian, but that’s what kept popping up on Google when I typed in what I was sure was the name of the sauce we liked so much.)

Finally. Finally, I found an email with the word “peruvian” in it somewhere, subject name: Re: RE: Re, that I had written to someone else about how good the food was. Of course! Good thing I found it, too, because I would have never guessed it was Antichuchos — or marinated beef heart. I didn’t use beef heart, mind you, just the marinade. It was delicious both times and I highly recommend it. I’m not usually a kebab person because I think they get dried out and gross, but these are winners and I will make them again and again.

Marinade for Peruvian Kebabs:

  • 1 cup red wine vinegar
  • 4 T ground cumin
  • 1 t ground pepper
  • 1 t salt
  • 5 big garlic cloves, minced
  • 1/2 c chopped cilantro
  • 2 T chopped parsley (I didn’t have fresh, so I used dried)
  • 1/2 can of chipoltle chilies in adobe sauce (or 4 dried, toasted, soaked, pureed chilies)
  • 1/2 cup oil

Combine ingredients. Cut sirloin (for the 10 of us, I used 3.75 lbs) and chicken (4 breasts) into large 3″ cubes and put into large bowl. Combine with marinade. I also added 1 package of baby portabella mushrooms. Let marinate 30-60 minutes. The original recipe says not to go longer than this because the vinegar will “dry the meat out.” Is that true? Sounded crazy to me, but I uncharacteristically followed directions. The flavor was very good, even with that short amount of time.

Put on long metal skewers, or soaked bamboo sticks, keeping skewers to single ingredients to allow for the correct cooking time.

The second dish we had was Tacu Tacu. I remembered the name as soon as I saw the link because it’s so fun to say. Never in a million years would I have remembered it without it. Rice with lentils. Delicious and simple. Perfect with the chicken, beef, mushrooms and the….

Aji Sauce!

This sauce, I promise, will transcend. (Not sure if that sentence makes sense, but I’m going with it.) The ingredients will — if you are like me — make your lip curl. Or your stomach hurl. (rhymed. sorry. couldn’t resist.) Pureed lettuce? Gross! It isn’t, I swear. Make this sauce and serve it on EVERYTHING.

  • 1/4 head of lettuce (Romaine is best, Iceberg is good too. I’ve used both)
  • 3 jalapeno chilies (or equivalent. this is where you control heat. Use seeds if you want it hot. Use less pepper if you want it more mild. If you are concerned, add the chilies at the end and taste as you go. I used my fiery hot orange hungarian peppers from the freezer, plus 1/4 fresh ancho for taste)
  • 1/4 c mayonaise (I use Hellman’s Lite)
  • 5 green onions (or dug up whole chives + root — as I did when I discovered I did not have green onions)
  • 1/2 bunch of cilantro (go ahead and use the stems. Everything get pureed and they taste great)
  • 1 t salt
  • 1 t pepper
  • 1 tsp garlic powder or 2-3 large cloves fresh garlic pressed

Directions: (this is tough, so read carefully)

Put all ingredients in a food processor and blend until smooth.

I put it in an old honey squeeze bottle and use it on everything until it is gone.

Dinner was great. I took many pictures:

…and was threatened within an inch of my life if I showed any of their faces.

Seriously.

One Dimensional Blog

Sorry. Make that Two Dimensional.

That’s what my brother said about my blog the other day. It’s a disappointingly two dimensional blog. An improvement over one dimensional. Thank goodness for the advent of gardening season!

“It’s all… cooking… and gardening.”

In my mind I was thinking “Isn’t, that’s what it’s supposed to be?” Instead I sputtered, “What do you want me to write about? More Menopause Rage?”

Apparently, yes.

And he’s not alone. As it turns out, two words typed into Google: Menopause + Rage bring more people to this website than anything else. And I wrote about it exactly once. Makes you kind of wonder, doesn’t it? All those angry women out there? What if we all united? Can you image?

Actually, I can.

It would be awesome. No more shit from anyone. And my brother? Well. He’d be dead. From a knife wound to the forehead.

But you see, I’m not currently experiencing menopausal rage right now. Testiness. Impatience. World-Weariness. Not rage. I guess the good thing is that I have something to look forward to when it reappears:

Satisfied readers.