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Hey Bennett: Leave Me ALONE!

October 9, 2011

The title should say it all. But if, for some reason, it doesn’t, Bennett is my brother. And I want him to leave me alone.

I’m hot. I’ve had about 50 hot flashes today. I’m keeping the black rage at bay by the skin of my teeth. And I’m on my second beer. I call it my “attitude adjuster.”

I’m trying to remember all the things on my calendar with no screw-ups. But since I know Barb reads this, she could tell you I have not been successful in the venture. –For I forgot to go to Freedomfarm (a volunteer thing I do), not one week, but two. Two in a row. Shameful.

My garden is a wasteland.

A wasteland, I tell you.

I repainted my porch floor because I HAD TO.

Had to.

…only the delightfully cool ‘Bamboo Beige’ accent color that was to be a darker version of our mustard gold house was actually peachy-orange. It was an utter disaster. Trying so hard to be patient, I waited all of 3 hours before painting over the peachy squares with “Dusty Green” that I found in our Dusty Garage that I bought approximately 12 Dusty Years Ago.

Though it looks good right now, it is easily scraping off with the least abrasion. (Think step ladder, stepped upon to vacuum up some of the millions of ladybugs/asian beetles and boxelder bugs that I am currently sharing my porch and home with.)

I fear the worst.

It is too fricken hot to do anything outside, though I am trying. Aforementioned hot flashes, notwithstanding.

Charlie is sick and coughing and sneezing all over everyone, leaving snotty kleenexes everywhere.

Again. I fear the worst.

(for me, that is.)

The apples are rotting off the trees. I have little more to say about that.

My oven is a MESS after those STUPID, OVERSIZED Costco pizzas dripped all over and are right now smoking up the whole house as I try to roast chicken while Morgan complains bitterly that she wanted to go out. I simply love those over-sized Costco pizzas for feeding a crowd. –Like the soccer team that showed up after the game on Friday night. But really. Can’t they be just an inch or two smaller so they aren’t jammed up against the back oven wall and the glass door?

Morgan — yes, miracle Morgan of the car accident — had surgery after fracturing her thumb in two places which required plates and screws when an errant soccer ball hit her before the third game she was able to play in after the whole concussion hoopla.

She’s had doctor appointments and court appearances (from the car accident), conferences, dates, parties and meltdowns . I’ve been on the phone with teachers, insurance people, prosecutors, and other various sorts to unravel the drama that is her 16-year old life. It’s all so… exciting!

Winter soccer is morphing into summer soccer proportions. It is a good thing. Or so they say. All I have to say is: pray for me, for I surely will not last another season without making headlines. In the crime section.

I have two lonely clients who think I am nothing more than a flim-flam con artist who took their money and ran, as they wait more patiently than is even humanly possible for their jobs to be completed.

And in the midst of all of this, BENNETT calls me — during school conferences that I was squeezing in during a soccer game half time — to say I am a loser. (Actually, I can make anything up I want to about my brother because he won’t lower himself to defending himself in the comments. So, really, when he asks me why I write this stupid blog, isn’t that reason enough? Did he really call me a loser? No. He did not. But frankly, I don’t remember what he called me. I was too busy staring daggers at the back of the head of the woman at the table talking to the teacher who had used up more than three allotted conference time slots. Who does that? )

I will be back soon to finish up the Road Warriors Three, Day 8 as Bennett so eloquently and lovingly reminded me was a trip that was actually completed more than 70 days ago.

I just ate my third cookie. I am fat. And I’m wondering if I have time for a third beer.

Filed Under: Babble Tagged With: brother, rant, life, Bennett

Dog Days of Summer

July 14, 2010

All Activity Suspended Due to Heat

I do know that — traditionally at least — the Dog Days are in August. When I was a kid, I thought “Dog Days” literally translated to: “When the scum on the lake grows so thick you can no longer swim.”

Seriously. I really did think that.

It isn’t is it?

Maybe I shouldn’t act like I know it all…

But I do know it all. So let’s stop pretending I don’t, shall we?

Anyway. I declare that the Dog Days of Summer are NOW. Why? Because in Minnesota where I live, it is currently 93 degrees and something like 83% humidity. Maybe it’s more. I don’t know. I don’t care. What I care about is the fact that my air conditioning at home does not work.

No, it’s not stressed or taxed or anything like that. It got hit by lightning. Actually the chimney got hit by lightning and various amenities inside the house are suffering the consequences. Things like my oven. And more sadly, my air conditioning.

I can’t complain too much though, since I hardly EVER use it. Hardly, hardly ever. But when I do? You know it’s bad out. And right now, it’s bad out.

And in:

Yep. That’s the temp in my living/dining/kitchen area. The basement thermostat reads 81 degrees and — get this — 83% humidity. I didn’t even know that was possible.

Charlie is at tennis and I’m cooling my heels at Caribou with a hot latte. Seriously. I forgot to say “iced” and the lady behind the counter actually believed that I was dumb enough to want a hot latte. Needless to say, I poured it over ice.

I know I haven’t written in a while. Apologizing for not writing regularly is something I swore I would never do. And I won’t. But complaining about my life? That’s fair isn’t it?

This is the time in my year when I just about dig my own grave and hop in willingly. Anything sounding better than walking through my days. It shouldn’t be this way. Especially in summer, amid beautiful friends and weather — bugs be damned. Have I told you about the bugs we have this year?

It’s not that I’m sorry to be involved with the stuff I am involved in. I want to do the stuff I do. And by “stuff” I mean volunteer stuff. But is it too much to ask them to move their events around a bit so that I’m not so overloaded every year?

Basically I’ve just been buried amid the quagmire of life. And while I love, love, love to write, sometimes it becomes just another stress in the dark recess that is my mind. And the guilt… Have I told you about the guilt issues I have?

So instead of writing, I will call Heating and Cooling 2 for the third time in as many weeks. I will re-call the electrician who missed yet another bad GFI outlet. I will call the security system people who left saying it worked fine and not 30 minutes later it started beeping at me and driving me mad. I will drive my kids to the ends of the earth for no reason at all. I will occasionally sweep the myriad of cat hair that is swirling under the bar stools. I will apologize (again) for not making dinner. I will package up and send back the “new” replacement ipod speaker that was ruined in the lightning strike that was sent all scratched up with a used cord. I will smile when people make constructive suggestions about soccer and say “Wow! What a GREAT idea! Now, who do you think might be willing to actually RUN that little project besides ME?”

And, when I get the chance, I will come back here and start writing fun stuff again.

I want to be a cat.

Even though I don’t particularly like cats all that much.

Filed Under: Babble Tagged With: complaining, no air conditioning, life, psycho mom

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About Me

Jen menke

I’m a mostly-retired, pretend graphics and web developer (but don’t judge my skillz by THIS site!). We sold our dream home in Watertown, MN and downsized to a “Villa” in Excelsior, MN and built a home in our dream location of Eagle, CO and now split our time between the two states. It is truly a dichotomous life of absentee gardening and getting together with friends & family while in MN and playing hard and hermitting while in CO. I’ve let the blog go but a trip to Alaska has me resurrecting the Road Warriors series. My beloved brother is my biggest fan and I am doing this just for him.

Latest Reads:

Jennie's bookshelf: read

Trail of Broken Wings
2 of 5 stars
Trail of Broken Wings
by Sejal Badani
Started out strong and dwindled off for me. I wasn't enamored of the writing and -- maybe it's just me -- but the secrets!? I understand that you have to be willing to swallow a fair amount of incredulity when enjoying a lot of fiction, ...
The Girl on the Train
3 of 5 stars
The Girl on the Train
by Paula Hawkins
Audible book. Good, mindless listen. Pretty good action and twists. Not as good as all the hype, in my opinion, but I did enjoy. --Not enough to choose for my bookclub though: it would have been carved up by those English-teaching wolves...
I'm a Stranger Here Myself: Notes on Returning to America after Twenty Years Away
4 of 5 stars
I'm a Stranger Here Myself: Notes on Returning to America after Twenty Years Away
by Bill Bryson
Not my favorite Bryson book. However, it's been several years since I last read one and I was -- once again -- astounded by his writing style and voice. I just love him. I think this book is mostly compiled from columns he wrote over a c...

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