And Mine Ain’t Pretty.
Not my garden or my soul.
And somehow, I find that fitting.
I’m not saying that I am OK with the state of affairs, mind you. Just that it is fitting.
In my mind, summer should be a hazy, lazy bucolic event. Where I herd the kids off to an event or two in the morning and spend the afternoons and evenings puttering around the garden, reading, walking, cooking, entertaining.
Sound good to me. I’d like a do-over please.
Because in reality, summer was a stressful, unpleasant blur. There was hazy, but no lazy. To say I am happy that it’s over would be an understatement. Isn’t that sad? Again, I’m requesting a do-over.
And I find myself asking, “What is wrong with my life?” What needs to change? And for all the pissing and moaning I seem to do, I can’t really answer that question. I think I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I can extend that even further: I think I am doing what I want to be doing.
Or am I? How can I say that summer was an unpleasant blur if I am truly doing what I want to be doing?
Is this the season of life I am in? A consequence of raising kids that turn into teenagers and suck the life out of us?
No. I seriously don’t thing that is it. I just wanted to say it for the millionth time because it is fun.
If I had to put a name to it, I would settle for this:
OBLIGATION.
**And on that note, I must leave now for yet another volunteer commitment. I say that, because I think it is both sad and funny. But I will return. **
(It is now hours later. Aside from a burst of productivity to keep paying clients off my back, my mind-set is the same.)
Obligation.
Some would call it guilt. But is it really guilt? I don’t think so. Maybe obligation isn’t even the right word. I’ll try to explain.
I want to volunteer at Freedomfarm. I want to design cool marketing pieces for my son’s struggling school. I want my kids to be able to play soccer here, close to home (I really didn’t want to run the whole program, but it seems that was the only way it would happen…), I want to help friends with their Christmas cards…, and the list goes on.
And yet, all those things add up to a full-time job. A non-paying, full-time, often-stressful job. Never mind the paying clients, few though they may be. They are often put on the back-burner to some emergency volunteer thing that needs to get taken care of — adding to the stress. These things have a way of taking over my life, much as my cucumber vines took over my garden this year.
The one thing I do for myself is write these posts. And yet, that is often stressful, too. Because what happens when a paying client sees that I took the time to write, instead of get their logo revisions done?
That’s a problem.
Yes it is.
You would think gardening is also something I “do for myself.” But it, too, is an obligation much like the volunteer stuff I do. Yes, I want to have the garden. I enjoy being in the garden. And I certainly enjoy the bounty from the garden. But knowing it’s out there (looking like crap, I might add), is a huge burden. The work involved in honoring the fruits of the labor are immense.
You don’t just go grab beans for dinner. You spend 30 minutes picking them. Then washing them. Then snapping them. And don’t even get me started on lettuce. Washing and drying garden lettuce? I hate it! Not that lettuce is even relevant: after the first spring planting, no more would germinate. It was a problem I would have the remainder of the summer with many of the seed-grown plants.
Soon, the first frost will be upon me and with it comes an insane amount of scrambling. Digging out tender herbs, harvesting peppers, tomatoes, cukes, and everything else that is vulnerable. After that comes the first hard freeze and another wave of work: apples, kale, squash, pumpkins and more.
“Did you pick the raspberries?” “Have you picked the raspberries?” “Has anyone picked raspberries?”
(that’s Dave talking.)
“NO I HAVEN’T PICKED THE FRICKEN’ RASPBERRIES! TELL ME EXACTLY WHEN I WOULD HAVE TWO HOURS TO GO PICK RASPBERRIES!”
(that is me talking.)
First, I have to pick my lovely tomatoes. Not red one among them, I might add.
I ask you: what do you do with this many sickly, yellow tomatoes? Have you ever seen yellow tomato sauce? Yellow salsa?
I have. I’ve even made it before. And it looks exactly — exactly — like vomit. And I have better things to do with my time than make vomit colored sauce.
Like pick the raspberries.
Bye!
Mary S. says
A post so many people can identify with — and I totally get what you mean about the “Freekin’ raspberries!”
Nat Alea from OK (soon to be MT) says
I love that you still have so many tomatoes. If I was closer I would gladly take your tomatoes (and any other veggies) off your hands. I was proud to “harvest” my 12 golf ball size tomatoes. First time I’ve ever grown tomatoes, and by the term “I”, I mean my husband who did all the watering. I just did the picking.
Jenmenke says
wouldn’t it be refreshing to read more HONEST GARDENERS rant about their FAILURES? I’m a failure and I’m not afraid to admit it.
Tomatoes: FAIL
Pumpkins: FAIL
Keeping up with the beans: FAIL
Cucumbers: PASS
Jay Morgan says
3 ideas in no order of priority: 4 mo prescription of Valium for summer months; hire an illegal for 5 months doing all garden activities, a couple of days a week, at minimum wage or some measly salary plus fruit and vegetables, particularly yellow tomatoes; and lastly consider a year’s sabbatical from all forms of gardening replaced with being a regular at some farmers’ market in the area, of course, as we don’t want a large carbon footprint associated with your families food supply. Love Dad
Julie S says
Are you having a good year for raspberries this year ? The ones we picked last year were delicious ! Let me know if you need some help picking again.
AS says
Does it make you feel better to know that I am incredibly jealous of your huge garden? Cause I am! Even if you think it looks like junk 🙂
Sheila says
I’d be a basket case if I were you… hang in there
Stacy says
My garden was a huge disaster this year. Most things died, except for the beans and I was too mad to pick them regularly. My front garden is so full of weeds, and I am feeling guilty and embarrassed. I can relate, we moms HAVE to do lots of things….somedays it really sucks! Hope you can find time to enjoy FALL! I am going to try. 🙂
admin says
I just want to point out the JAY MORGAN is my DAD. He thinks he is VERY FUNNY. But I think he does love me, so I’ll give him a pass this time. Farmer’s Market, schmarket. like I would ever do that. Have you SEEN the farmer’s market in Watertown? Does he not KNOW that I don’t drive ANYWHERE for food? I never really thought about that before, but that’s probably the real reason I have a garden: laziness!
Ha!
Think about it!
admin says
Julie: you are welcome ANYTIME. Just call ahead to make sure I haven’t wiped the plants clean for jam. (not likely). There are tons on them RIGHT NOW.
admin says
AS: no, it doesn’t help. but YOU could come HELP ME take care of it! Brilliant!
admin says
It’s hard though, to stop feeling mad, bad and sad about it though, isn’t it?
Terri says
Your dad IS very funny – I loved every one of those suggestions! Seriously, think about it, 4 month supply of Valium, just think what your garden “might” look like under the influence? Your creativity might surprise you and what you can do with those yellow tomatoes (vomit color and all)!