May 10, 2000 – February 1, 2010
We put Buzz down this morning at 8:30 am after a relatively brief battle with bone cancer. I’m struggling to find the right tone for this post. Can I laugh and keep it lighthearted? He was a lighthearted dog. Or will I wallow in the quagmire with my tears and fears that we could have waited longer before bringing him in?
I don’t know. Let’s see where it goes.
“You will know.”
Do you know how many people say that about putting a dog to sleep?
I don’t know. I didn’t know. I will never know.
Let me restate that. I did know yesterday, when his tumor began to ooze and bleed, changed almost hourly and threatened to open up completely. I knew when he fell down several times, whimpered in my lap and fought all day to find a comfortable position even when drugged to the limit. (OK, I’ll be honest: over the limit). Of course this happened on a Sunday. We knew in our hearts that it was ‘time’ and began a very long day of saying goodbye to our beloved Buzzy.
I didn’t know this morning, when he came out of the kennel a little more sure on his feet and brighter in the eyes. Were we doing the right thing? As I laid on his bed with him, he growled softly and was shaking quite a bit, and I felt a little better about our decision.
And then he limp-hopped out of the office on two legs and brought me his damn Frisbee.
We laughed through our tears.
And I laugh through my tears now.
And I’m still no surer of our decision.
I loved that stupid dog. I loved him so much.
There is no right decision for something like this. I loved him to the best of my ability and I pray we did the right thing at the right time. This has helped me today:
The godly are concerned for the welfare of their animals.”
Proverbs 12:10 NLT
Will there be animals in heaven? Pet lovers hope so, because earth’s second most important inhabitants are a source of real comfort. What do we know for sure? In the coming Kingdom, “The wolf and the lamb will feed together” (Is 65:25 NIV). Ah, an animal kingdom too! Lambs were actually household pets in Bible days (See 2 Sa 12:3). The Bible says our pets belong to God; we take care of them for Him. God says: “All the animals ‘are mine’” (Ps 50:10 NLT). Furthermore, God holds us accountable for how we treat our pets (Pr 12:10 NLT). So here’s the question we need to consider: When Adam was created, God surrounded him with animals and called it “very good.” When Noah stepped out of the ark to start the world all over again, God made sure that he was surrounded with animals. So when Christ establishes the renewed earth, with renewed men and women, is it a stretch to imagine that He’ll surround us with renewed animals? Eden was perfect — but without animals Eden wouldn’t be Eden. And the new earth is the new Eden — paradise regained. In her book about heaven, Joni Eareckson Tada says, “If God brings our pets back to life, it wouldn’t surprise me. It would be just like Him. It would be totally in keeping with His generous character. With all the dazzling discoveries heaven will hold for me, the potential of seeing Scrappy would be — utterly joyful. Heaven is going to be a place that will reflect in as many ways as possible, the goodness and joy of our great God.” If you’re a pet lover that sounds good, doesn’t it?
The bone cancer started at the site of the plate and screws that held together the broken leg he got when he was two.
Normally, they would have amputated the tumor immediately, but sadly they couldn’t because Buzz was already down to three usable legs since blowing out his ACL this past summer. I was sent home with pain medication and told it would go very quickly. That was on December 14th. From my best guess, the tumor was a factor going back to early fall, when he began shadowing my every move and acting nervous. I cringe to think how angry and impatient I was with him then. In hindsight, it was undoubtedly the pain caused by the tumor we didn’t yet know about.
It still doesn’t really seem real. That dog. He was the most lovable. Stupid. Dominant. Pig headed. Frustrating. Happy-Go Lucky dog we’ve ever had. He came on the heels of the ‘perfect dog’, Casey. And before the Sociopath, non-dog, Lola. He will be in our hearts forever.
Some of my best memories:
He tried to get charlie’s pacifier whenever he could and wanted to be in the middle of any game played. Always.
Buzz and Charlie grew up together. They were more alike than you will ever know.
If I put up every picture I have of this 60 lb dog sleeping in every lap that ever allowed him, it would crash your browser. Here are but a few. He was insistent, relentless and big.
He slept next to me in the office, even when I forgot to bring in his dog bed:
…and would make do with the cat bed, thank you very much.
He loved his daddy:
…with the blue, blue eyes.
He was stupid and silly and lovable.
And when he wasn’t on a lap, he was fishing. In the pool, in the lake… He never caught a one.
He loved to play.
He loved to hunt:
…but not the clothing required to do so.
He tolerated Lola.
…who insinuated herself into his very life and the laps he loved…
…who made friends with CATS and invited them on to his favorite couch on the porch…
…and who basically ruined his life, just as any little sister would.
He loved — most of all — going to the Lake:
…even if it meant sharing his berth with Lola, the cat and even a chinchilla (in the cage), because going to the Lake meant seeing Gramps:
…because he loved my Dad even more than us, I think.
The Traitor.
Goodbye Buzzy. I hope there is fishing in Heaven.
amy says
Oh Jendog…I’m writing this through tears…Beautiful pictures…My heart is with you all.
Tracey Gobran says
I’m sorry and sad. I was thinking of Buzz all weekend while we were in Hayward. I’m going to miss looking over hoping to get a glimpse of Buzz “fishing”. I will also miss the much anticipated statement from our company “I’ve been watching that dog…” followed by the inevitable “What is he doing?”.
My favorite memory of Buzz was when we had just completed our cabin renovation. Everyone knows that when remodeling the carpet is the last step before you move in and enjoy the space. I will never forget slowly opening the front door taking in the sights and smells and taking that glorious first step into the tiny vestibule (cue the soothing music in the background)only to be blown over by a flash of dark brown. Yes, Buzz was the lucky blankity blank to enjoy the textures of the flooring I had chosen in EVERY PART of the cabin! He touched every room on every floor and ran out as fast as he ran in. I stood there looking at him (it happened so fast I had no time to react) and I swear to you he was looking up at me smiling. Even though I couldn’t actually see each of his teeth we both knew that his intended smile was bigger than his head!
That’s my fun Buzz story! We will miss you Buzz. I hope you catch a fish in your next life!
Thoughts and prayers from our family to yours,
The Gobran’s
Pam Peterson says
From the looks of it he had a good life Menke family. Every dog should be so lucky…(ok Betsy’s pretty lucky). You all should take comfort in the type of life you gave him. I am so sorry for the heartbreak you are all feeling.
Patty Canney says
I’m so sorry… great dog. been thinking of you today.xoxox.p
Maria Camargo says
Today Buzz is happy fishing in heaven! Up here in Fargo, We are thinking about you, the family and the animals. Lots of hugs and kisses 🙂
Aunt Patsy says
I am sad. Buzz was a big dog but did not scare me because he was such a over-grown puppy all the time!! I will forever remeber him fishing at the lake.
admin says
Thanks you guys. Do you know how many times I have looked at and read this post today — even after spending so much time finding the pictures and writing it? Therapeutic for sure. And I still can’t do it with out crying. This time I made it all the way to the picture of him going up to the cabin…
Thanks for being my friends & family and for all your nice comments, emails and calls today.
Love,
Jen
Cynthia says
I can appreciate a bit the love and loss of a beloved dog. I still miss my boy Murphy, and likely always will. I am so sorry for your loss.
Katherine says
So, I’m sitting in an hummer in northern Italy, 0613 and I’ve just read this and I have tears. I hope nobody sees me. I remember when buzz was just a little pup and he would sleep in my lap.
Diane Felicetta says
Jen, Dave, Morgan and Charlie
I am SO sorry to hear you lost your beloved Buzz. It was the right time and the right thing to do for your beloved companion. It was your final act of love and kindness.
He was a character and a great fisherdog. He will be missed.
Take Care
Diane
admin says
Thanks Cynthia, Kath & Diane. You guys all get it and everyone’s stories and comments have helped tremendously… even if I start crying all over again when I get a call, or read a note.
thanks, thanks. thanks.
🙂
Jennie
Michelle says
Those puppy pictures are precious! You did a wonderful job reflecting Buzz’s life, minus the eating of the vegetables, which I still find odd! He had a great life and brought much happiness to many in return. Cherish the memories . . .
joy says
Thanks for sharing the message and pictures. The one with Charlie and puppy buzz is too precious. They are all too precious. Our hearts hurt with you and know your decisions come from love. We can share oozing tumor pet stories sometime.
Hugs,
Joy
Nat Alea from OK says
Oh Jenn. I’m so sorry to hear about buzz. But you’ve done such a beautiful job of letting us get to know him. Thanks. nat.
Carroll says
I’m so sorry to hear about Buzz. It sounds like he was a wonderful dog and you gave him a happy life. Sometimes I still get teary-eyed when I think about my beloved Missy cat who was with me for almost 18 years – not long enough but I guess we have to accept that. She took her big sleep two years ago. Remember that they wait for us at the Rainbow Bridge, young and healthy again and happy to see us when we are reunited.
Linnea says
Oh, Jen…..please know that, through my tears after reading this, my sympathies are with you. Buzz was truly blessed to have the Menke’s as his family. I’m sure he’s busy catching fish in Heaven!
Take care….
Jeff says
I’m so sorry about your pooch! I agree that God has a place in his heart for our pets. We’re praying for you guys!
Laurie says
That was one of the most beautiful tributes to an animal I’ve ever read. I’ve never had a dog, but I could imagine it through your eyes and feel your sorrow. The post of him with the pacifier was classic! I can see how you fell in love with him.
I’m sorry for your pain.
Laurie
Sally says
Hi Jen,
It’s been a while. I just heard about Buzz through Diane.
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost a guy too young in the last year also. So I can really relate to your pain.
Hugs to you and your family.
Sally
PS How is the sociopath doing without him?
admin says
Michelle: Yes. The veggie dog is he. But then, they ALL have been, probably a learned behavior from the Queen Mum, Casey, who modeled good nutrition and poise.
Joy: Thanks! (I’ll skip the oozing tumor stories!!)
Nat, Carroll, Linnea, Jeff and Laurie: Thanks so much you guys. I am touched that people who didn’t even know him took the time to read his story. It makes me so happy. 🙂
Sally (who is Lola’s breeder for other’s reading this): Long time no talk! Lola is doing well. We took her with us to the vet and brought her in to see him after he was gone. I like to think that helps her understand. I have read that dogs know instantly and I would like to believe that. I had a Lola Therapy Day yesterday, with lots of treats, 1-on-1 time and a long walk thru the woods in the new snow. Little Miss Empty Eyes loved every minute of it. Plus, my mom and dad’s dog is here now for 2 weeks and keeping her occupied. Thankfully she is a dog Lola has decided to love!
Shel says
When I saw Buzz was the subject matter I didn’t even want to open your email b/c I knew. I’m really sorry for Buzz and you guys, it is so unbelievably difficult to lose a member of your family. Buzz was really lucky to have resort Menke as well as his 2nd place in Hayward to call home, and to have you all as his family. Now he is happy in his new home, hooking up with Casey and the rest of the puppy parade.
You painted the perfect picture of Buzz’s life. I will really miss every quirky thing about that dog.
Love & Kisses to all,
Shel Bel
PS There is most definitley fishing in heaven. Bummer for you, you are not going to see him catch the big one.
Heidi / Jane Brain says
Jen,
Leave it to me to get your E-mail now!
I was actually going to call you and tell you how sorry I am,but I don’t think I would have gotten a word out! I am sitting @ the pulltab booth balling! I try to shake it off but my eyes just keep filling up!
I want you to know that Buzz had a wonderful life! Who loves their dogs more than the Menke’s and the Morgans! I mean really! I would love to be one of your dogs!
I am so sorry! I loved that little sh-t! And
I love you guys!!! SOOOOO much!
Deb Zupan says
Jennie-
Just read your post….and cried. Beautiful pictures. Your words and pictures tell a story of a much loved pet who had a great life. I’m so sorry.
Deb
Mo Warner says
Jen-dog, Dave, Morgan, Charlie…extraordinary dog…extraordinary tribute. And yes…I hope he figures out that “rock” thing. My thoughts and tears flow with you. xoxoxox Mo
admin says
thanks everyone! Shel, Heidi, Deb, Mo… Everyone. Almost two weeks later and while it has gotten easier, I still get surprised (and embarrass everyone) by crying unexpectedly! Strangers! The UPS guy (that was almost the worst)… Ugh. Damn dogs. They break your heart. thanks for understanding. 🙂
literati says
awww man, this made me cry! until i saw buzz with the pacifier in his mouth, and that got me over the hump……sort of. sorry for your loss.
Hernando says
Three years later I hit your blog in search of your Ciabatta and your Baguette recipes. And I got on top your history with Buss. He had and incredible gentle kind warm in his eyes. I celebrate today the joy that he brought to your lives.
Greetings from Finland,
Hernando
jenmenke says
How kind of you Hernando! thank you for such an uplifting comment! How has your winter in Finland been? Are you starting to enjoy the returning daylight? 🙂