The only thing that qualifies me to write anything on the subject of mental health is the fact that I suffer from my own mental health. Or lack of it. I am certainly not qualified to write anything about menopause, given I have done almost no research on the topic. So why am I writing about it? In my gardening and cooking blog no less?
To be clear, I am only 44 years old – way too young to be talking about menopause. Only I’m not. Too young, that is. Peri-menopause can go on for years. I’ve had maniacal hot flashes–which seem to come in phases–for over a year now. I was hoping the Black Rage would also be a phase, only it doesn’t seem to be going away.
I am writing about the Black Rage because I have been living under it’s cloud for about 3 months now. And instead of it getting better, it is getting worse. So I have decided to cave in, stop fighting it and embrace it. Today, for the first time, I googled these two words: Menopause + Anger. The search results were almost as funny as this weekend when I googled “Underduck vs Underdog.” The top hit in that search was freakishly perfect. (For the record, it is “underduck: when you push someone on a swing and run under them as you push.”) Friends and I were having an argument about it. It was 5 to 1 against me. I was so pissed. I digress… Google it yourself. Vote for what YOU called it in the comments below, cuz I’m curious.
Anyway, the search results for “Menopause Anger” were so astoundingly spot-on that it actually made me mad (are you sensing a theme here? A theme of rage?). I was irritated because I like to think of myself as unique and special. How can all the other people in this world be experiencing the same thing as me?
For example, on one of the sites, a woman named Lori wrote: “…I have found myself getting mad at my dog because she wants a pet.” Check. (The only difference is that I don’t “find myself getting mad,” I rise up in an unadulterated fury and scream “GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, YOU STUPID DOGS, THIS IS MY COUCH!” And, I might try to kick them as they scatter.)
Another writer named Pat found the need to “detach myself from some longstanding ‘volunteer’ commitments that I’d taken on when I didn’t really want to, because I felt obligated or guilty or whatever.” Check. (The only difference with me is that I didn’t detach myself, as Pat did. What did I do? I simply made one of the people that I do volunteer work for cry this morning. Do I feel bad about it? Well, if being madder that she started to cry counts as remorse, then yes, I feel bad about it. If not, then no. I’m ticked that I didn’t think of crying first.)
Anyway, for all you who actually know me, go ahead and say it. Chant it aloud if it makes you feel better. You know you want to:
POOR DAVE.
Only, if you are really going to go to the trouble, you might as well throw in:
Poor Morgan. Poor Charlie. Poor Buzz. Poor Lola.
And as of this morning, Poor Susie at Freedomfarm.
Something tells me I might need to add a new category to my blog topics.
This is great. Love it. Glad I didn’t suffer from The Rage. Maybe you need hormones. This doesn’t sound like it is going away anytime soon. I know for a fact that it saved the sanity of least one of my dear friends. (and her friends and family were thankful too.) She admits she was out of her mind. AND SHE IS A SCHOOL NURSE! No amount of talking and/or writing is a cure.
I think everyone is afraid to comment in fear of the Black Rage descending upon us. POOR FRIENDS!!!
Not sure if I’ll consider hormones. I let it go until my family walks me into the mental hospital, then I’ll reevaluate. As for “poor friends” I completely understand. As long as no one brings up the fiestamovement, I’ll be fine.
Ha – get hormones if the rage continues. I am a senior paralegal in my late 40′s and I am raising three children. About 1-1/2 years ago, I started finding myself getting way too angry over the smallest things — something I am not known for. I am usually pretty easy going. Anyway, in addition to the hot flashes, lack of sleep, etc. the rages started coming – the turning point is when I was at work in my office and I just finished a frustrating phone call. I took the receiver of the phone and started banging it against my desk and cussing!!! That was my clarion call to get menopause help. What a difference it’ made. I started to feel “normal” again and my family wasnt tiptoeing around me. Best of luck to you.
That’s what I hear, that’s what I hear. So if it gets bad again, I’ll have to consider it. When you dad tentatively walks up to you, puts your arm around you and says quietly “you know honey, they have stuff you can take for this.” Well, then you know it’s bad. This is the same guy who threw me behind a boat and nearly drowned me when I was learning to waterski. He simply didn’t care! anyway. Thanks for the encouraging words. I’ve been really good for the last few months.
I assure you all that this is a transitional part of life. The part I hate is that I am in that transition. I have started to disrespect anything or anyone that “crosses” me. My family knows so well if I am ill. If you consider that my period has been going off and on for 6 months (mostly on) you might have empathy for me. I have been to two OBGYN’s and same outcome. I do not want surgery. My hormones are all in normal range. My intinction for submitting this is help others. Please appriciate the fact that your family wants to help. I just smile and continue to say I’m just tired. I heard a comic say she would awake look at her husband and think…Should I make you waffles for beat your brains out with a baseball bat. He awoke and she said would you like waffles for breakfast?
I assure you all that this is a transitional part of life. The part I hate is that I am in that transition. I have started to disrespect anything or anyone that “crosses” me. My family knows so well if I am ill. If you consider that my period has been going off and on for 6 months (mostly on) you might have empathy for me. I have been to two OBGYN’s and same outcome. I do not want surgery. My hormones are all in normal range. My intinction for submitting this is help others. Please appriciate the fact that your family wants to help. I just smile and continue to say I’m just tired. I heard a comic say she would awake look at her husband and think…Should I make you waffles or beat your brains out with a baseball bat. He awoke and she said would you like waffles for breakfast?
Yes, I agree on all points. Thankfully, I’m having a bit of reprieve from the continual rage. It’s quick to flare up, for sure. And there are inexplicable times of general anger. But really, for the most part, I’m having fun. I’ve spent my whole life as a pleaser and I get to use this timely hormonal tick to tell ‘em all to f*ck off! Well… I don’t actually say that… only to some of them!
I just googled menopause and rage and found your Black Rage reference. OMG! That is totally me. I have always been a people pleaser and have historically tried to guess what folks want (as if I truly have the power to read minds! haha!) For the last 2 years I noticed mood changes, anxiety and changing periods. I am having more trouble being what I think everyone wants me to be, sweet, funny and kind Kamden. The last several months I have had trouble sleeping, mental clarity issues, hot flashes and all. Then….the Black Rages came on. Yep, recently an innocent vacuum sweeper lost its life. I just slammed it into oblivion one day while trying to vacuum the floor. Several other household items have fallen prey to this Black Rage recently as well. Having just had my 42nd birthday, I thought the doc might tell me it was all in my head and I needed to seek professional psychiatric help. Funny, since I manage a psychiatric nursing floor–oh, the irony! Nope, just found out I am fully meno-paused! The ovaries are eeking out the last of my happy drug, estrogen. Only been on HRT for 1 week (the natural bio-identical kind) with no effect as yet. I am crossing my fingers. I am not the posting type, but had to write something. I was relieved to find out that I was not alone. Good luck to you!
Oh, good Lord! The minions of us. We could start an ARMY! Can you imagine?! I just wrote a new post yesterday, addressing the fact that I had only written one time about Menopause Rage, and yet, those two words, typed into Google bring more people to this site than any other. And it’s a food and gardening blog!! Too funny. Mine has abated somewhat, thankfully. I know it will rear it’s ugly head again, and I’m ready for it. I can’t wait to write about it, because there are so many people just like me!! (it’s almost a bit eerie, don’t you think? Take care and good, good luck!
When you reach menopause, you may need some hormone replacement therapy just to stay on top shape..:~
I prefer to think of this time of my life as “World Accountability.”
You know, if you don’t want me to be angry with you then behave. And if I’m angry anyway then it’s payback for another time. I’m sure they deserve it.
I’m very much in a mirrored state with my anger – you come and me and my spikes will meet you.
I’m actually enjoying higher mental clarity and a quicker ability to learn than ever before! I’m thinking that it is the direct result of not spending so much effort kissing a$s anymore. There simply is more synapses available to do other things now. Like bake. And can. And learn new technologies at work. Wish I would have figured this out earlier in life… haha.
Loved your post Jen, hope you’ve found enjoyment in your pleaser-pause.
you can also reduce the sypmtoms of menopause by having hormone replacement therapy.”;-
yes, yes. I know. But I guess until I come at someone with an ax, I won’t think I’ll need hormones.