My Brother Reads my Blog

I was afforded this information at a birthday dinner for my nephew on Saturday night. My brother reads my blog. No matter what I write from this point on, it is sure to be:

1. Misquoted. (I will misquote him)
2. Exaggerated. (I will exaggerate the actual exchange)
3. Offensive. (I will offend my mom)

(No, it’s not actually about my mom. I will just somehow end up making her feel bad. I accept this and will make amends as soon as I finish writing it, for all of you concerned.)

Immediately after making the statement “I have read almost all of your blog,” my brother said, “and I have three observations.” I was so excited! What were they? Do tell!

1. It is weird
2. It is well-written
3. It is obsessive

When asked to expound on that, he said “Like cutting boards. Who writes about cutting boards? It seems obsessive.”

I was rather stunned. Cutting boards seemed like one of my more mainline subjects.

I think maybe what he really meant to say is “Who CARES about cutting boards?” Or, “Who READS about cutting boards?”

And then he said — though I admit it was sort of hard to hear inside the raucous restaurant — something along the lines of “Who — I mean what kind of person — decides for their family a New Year’s Resolution as horrible as Meatless Mondays and then doesn’t PLAN for it — at least on the first day?”

Fair.

But then, didn’t this same person grow up with me? Should he not know me better than that? Is it not painfully clear that I create these mini crises for myself? By not planning, by forgetting, by being late, I create these mini dramas that — if conquered — make me that much more awesome?

I’m kidding. Surely there is some deep-seated psychological reason for my actions, but I assure you. I have plenty of self esteem. I don’t need to create more for myself at the expense of bad meals, forgotten meetings and speeding tickets — although I have plenty of those.

The conversation about the blog didn’t really last all that long, though — as much as I was enjoying it — because it unfairly left both my sister-in-law and my husband out of the exchange, being that neither of them read it. Oh, Dave will tell you he does.

But that would be a lie.

And yes. This is a test.

(In fact, when Dave expressed his genuine surprise that my brother actually does, in fact, read my blog amidst his extremely busy days, my brother said “Well. She signed me up for email announcements. I have little choice. They come right to my inbox.” It is true — and ingenious! I should do that for my whole family! I had completely forgotten I did that. And to know now that it works? I’d say that anyone I have emails for is in serious danger…)

So today is Meatless Monday Three. And yet another conundrum confronts me: I have book club tonight. So, do I make a meatless dish for the family before I go? Or do I push it off until tomorrow?

I think I push it off until tomorrow. I would hate to miss it. I’ve got portobello mushrooms in the fridge. Which of course sound delicious to most, but not to the other three in my family. Alternatively, I’m looking at an Indian dish with homemade flatbread. But I need red lentils, which I don’t have. And, of course, I have no idea where I even saw the recipe that looked so good to me…

As an aside, I know this is — to quote my brother — a weird post. I would like to have posted my mom’s famous taco recipe today, or my awesomely healthy raspberry muffins I made this weekend, or even the most bizarre popovers ever to emerge from my oven. But I am always forgetting to take the final pictures! It makes me the worst food blogger ever, I think.

Maybe I still will post those recipes. Who knows. Maybe the final photo doesn’t really matter.

The photo I DO have handy and will share with you today is in honor of my brother. I meant to post it on the New Year’s Eve post, but it didn’t really fit anywhere. And frankly, I think he felt left out.

So here it is. He was terribly ill and this photo makes him look very puffy and is therefore not the very best, but it also highlights my adorable mom and dad. So the photo serves a double purpose. Which of course is: if I haven’t offended my mom by now, this photo will surely do the trick.